Mom Guilt and EntrepreneurshipApr 02, 2021
The truth about Mom Guilt and Entrepreneurship
If you are a working mom and especially if you are an entrepreneur mom you are very familiar with the “mom guilt.” Navigating and balancing both roles has been a struggle for me. What I found is that it is false guilt.
Nothing in this life is meant for you to be in that role 24/7. Read that one more time…. Nothing in this life requires you to be in a role 24/7. You might think, “how is that so? Since we are mothers for life?” We have a title of mom for life, but we are not a mom role all day. Just like we aren’t in “work” mode all day or entrepreneur mode all day, we aren’t moms all day.
We feel guilty because once long ago, there were these standards that were set by, I don’t know who. These standards say that if we work or have a business, then we must immediately go home and be a mom after we are done with our day. If not, somehow, we are failing…… sound familiar? Or if you aren’t spending every living waking moment with your children somehow, that makes you a bad mom. Well, I am here to tell you that it is not the case, and you are among the many women that feel the guilt.
This is how I categorize. In life, we play many roles. I am Damari first, then a mom, then a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a business owner, a tax accountant, a mentor, a teacher, a student, etc.….. I mean, the list can go on. Here is what I realized. I can’t be all those things at once. And that is ok. There is nothing wrong with me, and there is nothing to feel guilty about. Why? Because when I play any given role, I give it my all. Some things are not as important as others. When I am called to be there for my babies and give them my undivided attention, I do so. When I need to finish work, and I have to dedicate late hours to complete something, then I do so.
All roles in this life require balance. I know that word gets tossed around a lot, so how can we apply it to our lives. First, know that your child is not going to fall apart if you aren’t there every single minute of every day. Second, putting yourself first is not selfish. Women eventually burn out, hate everyone and everything, and ultimately feel resentment towards any given role you have dedicated more time to than needed, including motherhood.
My suggestion, set boundaries for yourself and in each role. Set expectations and boundaries for those around you that “expect” for you to be in any given role. Here is an example. Most of you know that I hold a role as a Tax Accountant. This means that I am in work mode between Jan-April, biz mode for most of the day. This means my kids start feeling like they are taking the back seat. And although that is partly true, given that there isn’t an emergency or a kid’s event, then chances are I am working. Well, guess what. I have a conversation with them about this “season” that doesn’t last. We compromise. The compromise is I take them to school in the morning and that I am here to put them to bed.
For those of you who have a 9-5 and feel guilty about needing time to yourself. Let me start by telling you that if you need permission, here it is. YOU ARE ALLOWED TIME TO YOURSELF. Nothing is worse than being a raging bitch to your spouse, kids, loved ones… because you just need a break. The only person that can give that to you is you! When I need time to myself, I either schedule it or see who can help me to make it happen.
And ladies, I know that your partner, spouse or MIL, or whoever can’t clean or wash dishes or do whatever you do and do it like you. Let that shit go. Dishes can be done when they get done. What I ask that you keep in mind is that some roles are more critical than others. And the most important role you have is a relationship with yourself. Understanding that although we are badass women who can do it all, we can also take time off and rest.
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